SunSat Factor

2 Star (Packmule)

Did your mother ever tell you not to cut your own hair? If you wanted extra cottage cheeze, you could have just gone to the store to get it. Overall coverage is key on this one gentlemen, sometimes more clothes is better!

ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE CALGARY SUN

Sunshine Satire

I have decided to further adapt our Tucker Max rating scale to make it Calgary's own as well as using this scale to rate our fine phillies of Calgary. We will start by using this scale on all Sunshine Girls which will be known here on out as SunSat Rating.

Guys you know when you sit down for lunch and you have the same old sandwich,same fruit cup,same,same,same....pathetic...routine...life. You begin by opening the Calgary Sun, flipping to the Sunshine Girl, hoping to find some little ray of hope and brilliance to this life of yours....surprise, surprise she is the same livestock as yesterday...No worries gentlemen I share this despair and have decided to offer some critique as well as hopefully giving you that little ray of sunshine every noon hour or whack off session...... whack away Jim, whack away.

Here it goes Gentleman:

1 Star (Common Livestock):Tends to be vulnerable to being tipped over during any mental stimulus. She can also be tipped over for sport by friends as a right of passage and then you are therefore entitled to a bonus (usually some sort of alcoholic beverage, no IOU's accepted). Typical response vocabulary is limited to "moo?" err... "what??" This is your last resort, drinking can also effect decisions however their will be mass ridicule from friends in the morning. This being said you will not bring her with you in public at ANYTIME.

2 Star (Pack Mule): This is a girl that will always be there when heavy loads need to be carried and works well because she can usually be ordered around without much resistance. You can bring her out in public but you will more than likely tie her to a post outside while you conduct business and mock/ridicule her for sport. She will of course make odd sounds at inopportune moments but this is to be expected and should not be held against her.... it is not her fault.... she can't help it.

3 Star (Quarterhorse): This is a girl that unfortunately many guys end up with. She usually has the "girl next door look" and is overall acceptable to be seen with. Due to her "anyone can ride" status is also easily accessable, easy to maintain and should not be expected to exceed expectations (unless boarding fee's are comped ie cooks and cleans even though she doesn't live with you, generally volunteers to make you happy). With these fee's comped and upon completion of 3/4 vote she can ascend into low 4 star status.

4 Star (Mustang): This is a girl that you are proud to be seen with in public, generally cute and maintains respect of the public. Once broken in is loyal and should reveal a sophisticated mounting prowess, is experienced and should be considered for girlfriend material. Most likely a fast and fiesty girl who might frequently visit the local water hole due to her low self esteem (also most likely to succumb to the asshole factor).

5 Star (Arabian): Be all and end all.... exotic, luxurious and most likely to cause you to make an ass out of yourself. Extremely hard to tame but comes with good bone structure as well as a certificate of authenticity. A girl that you would step over your dying best friend just to have a good roll in the hay. Will gain you immeidiate respect and at times distain amongst friends and co-workers.

0 Star (The Glue/10 ft pole factor): Defined as a Demoted Mexican Pack Mule with no redeeming equity factor whatsoever (ie lack of personality and a complete bitch). These poor creatures are at the end and should just be put to better use for all mankind. Obnoxious, senile, huge, and has no clue on how to compose herself in public and is generally treated with distain by all.

ALL PHOTO'S COURTESY OF THE CALGARY SUN

Jayde Nicole VS Joe Francis....wtf?

So anyways, for those of you who don't know Jayde Nicole is a 23 yr, CANADIAN and was last years playmate of the year. Joe Francis is the douche bag from Girls Gone Wild, now don't get me wrong Girls Gone Wild is awesome both as a business but also to watch. However Joe Francis as a person is a complete douche, has gone to jail for stat rape, and multiple other douche things. Anyways his latest is that he decided to beat up one of our own (Jayde) in front of Guy and Dolls club and multiple witnesses!!

Brody Jenner (Jayde's boyfriend) just spoke with us by phone. According to Jenner, he and his girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, were at the club celebrating his birthday, when Jayde saw Francis hitting on an ex-girlfriend of his (Francis'), Jenner says "unrelentingly." Jayde felt he was harassing the woman -- whom Jayde and Brody know -- and she threw a drink on Francis.

Jenner says Francis then pulled Jayde's hair, punched her in the face and threw her to the ground and began kicking her. Security broke it up and Francis got dragged away -- Brody followed.

Jenner says he started yelling at Francis and both men were ejected from the club.

Outside the club, Jenner says he tried to get back in to see Jayde but security wouldn't let him. Jenner then saw Joe, punched him in the face, and then someone tased him and he fell to the ground.

Francis left the scene (shown below). The cops -- who say a call came in at 2:46 AM for battery -- came but no one was arrested.

Jayde tells TMZ she will press charges against Francis.

Jayde has a black and blue cheek, her face is swollen, she has a bruised left rib and her lower abdomen is sore. Some of her hair also got pulled out.

UPDATE: Brody put the following message on his Twitter: "Joe Francis beat up my lady this morning for no reason! Pulled her to the ground, punched & kicked her..what does that say about him. How can you call yourself a man when you beat up a girl?? Joe Francis is a piece of sh*t. Joe Francis needs to be in jail!!!"

UPDATE: A rep for the club tells us, "It is Guys and Dolls policy not to comment on incidents that are being handled by the police department. We trust that this situation will be resolved both swiftly and privately." Courtesy of TMZ

Here's some pics of Jayde Nicole.....For unrated click HERE MUST BE OVER 18!!

Lights...

OK so wtf? When did Lights get so hot? Check her out, at first I heard she was a crazy hippie chick with a synth, but damn...now she's a HOT crazy hippie chich with a synth...Lets not forget she is of course %100 CANADIAN !

Douche-tache's!!!

So I figure while we were on the subject of douchebags we could talk about douche-tache's. I have included some famous one below but am taking submissions as well on this. So by definition a douche-tache is basically enhancing the douche-iness of a douchebag by adding a moustache and usually a pedophile'ish one:-) They are usually thinner and VERY sparse in the hair and generally either encompass handle handlebars or one thin layer of greatness. check 'em out, majority of these are courtesy of the web and TMZ.

CHECK OUT THE ENTIRE GALLERY OF GENEPOOL REJECTS!

Calgary Hottie Accused of helping Jenkin's Check her out!

The woman who helped Ryan Jenkins run from authorities was his former fiancee, according to the manager of the motel where he committed suicide.

We showed the manager, Kevin Walker, photos of Paulina Chmielecka, who was in a 3-year relationship with Jenkins until earlier this year -- he says he's "100% sure" the woman who drove Jenkins to the Thunderbird Motel and paid for the room was Paulina.

Ryan and Paulina were engaged, until he called it off several months ago. Friends of the former couple tell us she was very much in love with him, though she moved on to another relationship.

Check out some pics!

Jenkins Found Dead

Well it's finally over, back to normal...the douche took his own life!! Oh well guess it saves us some money. Don't worry we will be returning to our usual hot pics and crazieness tommorow:-) Thanks everyone for staying tuned!
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Ooops!!

So, cops made a mistake and Ryan Jenkins is NOT in custody. They got the wrong man....story developing...

Ryan Jenkins In Custody!

This just in Jenkins has been apreheneded in Toronto by Metro PD I guess anyone can fly with air canada
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Ryan Jenkin's Manhunt UPDATE

I wonder if anyone is aware that Ryan Jenkin's is a fully licensed multi-engine pilot?? He was an instructor at YYC and got his certification through MountRoyal! Check this out, from his own mouth!! Combine that with daddy's 19 seat private jet and.....uh oh where did he go??

Ryan Jenkins...Holy Sh*t!!

Well Calgary's back in the spotlight again thx to douchebag Ryan Jenkins who is a "person of interest" in the murder of Jasmine Fiore. Who by the way was a Playboy rep as well as a member of the LFL. She married Ryan two days after they met where she worked (not as a stripper) at a strip club in Vegas. Who would've guessed this relationship was going to have problems?? For those who don't know, Ryan is of course from where?? Oh yeah Calgary, and the cops fear he has fled here of all places. He worked for Concrete Equities (also been in the news as of late;-) under a little stress buddy? Decide to murder your wife? Maybe get a new piece of carry on luggage? Oh yeah that's right he allegedly decided to stuff her in a suitcase, sorry the cops just want to ask if he did.......right "person of interest". Now here's the kicker he was on a show called Megan Wants a Millionaire (and rumored to be among its finalists). Now what I don't get is why he was on the show at all if his marriage was sooo awesome etc. Anyways here's some pics of Ryan who the cops are looking for and of the late Jasmine Fiore RIP.....

Drenched '09

Went and checked out Drenched (World Water Skiing Competition), here are some pics. You can check the rest out in my albums.

I HOPE THEY SERVE BEER IN HELL TRAILER

It's finally here be sure to check this out, can't wait!

TOP 3 CELEB PROSTI-TOTS

So in case you are now wondering wtf a prosti-tot is, it's basically a girl that dresses like a hooker, engages in generally horrorish behaviour, but is too young to be one because she can't count her money yet. AKA 80% of high school girls out there! To quote Seinfeld, "Not that there's anything wrong with it."

#1-Vanessa Hudges

As is the buzz right now, Vanessa Hudgens has had yet ANOTHER set of nude pics "leaked" onto the internet. Oh yeah I said a second set of photos. This recent addition has now pushed Vanessa ahead of miley for the #1 spot. Man Paris must be jealous, Vanessa has this porn shit down to a science. Anyways her lawyers are saying that these new pics were taken when she was under 18 and therefore looking at pressing child porn charges on websites that are hosting them. LOL needless to say there aren't any on here (I will post a couple bikini shots in case you guys are like who the fuck is Vanessa Hudgens:-), but shouldn't it be Vanessa Hudgens facing charges for distributing child porn then?? I don't know just a thought, also why the fuck was she taking them and sending them too who?? If it was her sperm donor Zac Efron than shouldn't he be charged with viewing that shit lol? Now that would be newsworthy. For now here's some bikini shots u sick fucks lol (she's over 18 now)

#2 Miley Cyrus

Oh wow, where to start, well I mean you really can't blame the youth of today for being f*'d up look at what they are relying on as role models. I mean as a guy obviously we can work with it, but seriously this ends up fucking us over too especially in the bars. WE have to do our own ID checks now just to fuck! What is that about? You never know, it's like a constant guessing game and mix that with beer, and well, Jail Bait.....thx miley...bitch

#3 Jamie Lynn Spears

Wow a picture really is worth a thousand words. At least her sister waited until she was of drinking age to have a kid.....just wait another 16 years....just wait....I swear it will be worth it which I will just reserve my #4 spot for a few years......LOL

Pussybelt's

So I heard a wicked term the other day, being pussybelts. For those who don't know they are not just skirts they are the shortest of skirts that just barely cover, yes, the pussy. Therefore coining the term "pussy belts". During the stampede they were running around like hookers the day the navy docked. Now usually this alone would garnish a few looks but you combine that with a cowboy hat and a tramp stamp and well you'd have to be looking like Nick Nolte with an active herpes infection to not be able to hit that! Here's some pics....




#1 TARGET ACQUIRED......AND THE WINNER IS

#2 BUT DADDY!! HE SAID I WOULD BE A REAL MODEL

#3 I'M SO GLAD I REMEMBERED TO PACK MY EXTRA JUNK IN MY...!

#4 I'M SO GLAD I BROUGHT THIS BAGGIE FOR MY PANTIES...

#5 OMG WHAT'S THAT DOWN THERE?

Cavalier vs Sunfire

Ok guys so I was driving around today and something occurred to me, what is with all of the hotties driving sunfires and their ugly girlfriends driving cavaliers? Is this like a lease requirement or what? I'm serious it was like 9 out of 10 girls driving sunfire's were hot and seriously the exact opposite with cavaliers. I don't know, I have created a poll for people to let me know if I am just going fucking bonkers with this observation or what.... Feel free to send in pics of either one (preferably the hot sunfire girls:-)

Got Nuts?

Saw this and well just had to post it, somebody's not going hungry this winter lol!

The Warning-Eminem's Response...Ouch That's gotta hurt

Well Eminem has once again had the last laugh in this whole Maria Carey bullshit, I wonder what Nick's gonna do? She just shouldn't have opened up her clamtrap...

Movie Review...The Ugly Truth

So just went and saw The Ugly Truth with Katherine Hagel and Gerard Butler. Set the bar way to high before seeing it, never ever do that with a movie. Unfortunately it's only redeeming factor was the hotness of katherine hagel and her vibrating panties....yes there are vibrating panties, totally worth the 12.50 lol. Oh and the twins wrestling in cherry jello was good too. Other than that a few funny parts but it was like they tried way to hard to be funny and totally predictable. Guy's don't go see it as a date movie, however if you have a fuck buddy out there it makes for a great intro into later on lol. Girls, it might give u some insight into our fucked up heads but honestly, u can get the same by watching any amature porno out there.

2 out 5 stars for sure, later