I have decided to further adapt our Tucker Max rating scale to make it Calgary's own as well as using this scale to rate our fine phillies of Calgary. We will start by using this scale on all Sunshine Girls which will be known here on out as SunSat Rating.
Guys you know when you sit down for lunch and you have the same old sandwich,same fruit cup,same,same,same....pathetic...routine...life. You begin by opening the Calgary Sun, flipping to the Sunshine Girl, hoping to find some little ray of hope and brilliance to this life of yours....surprise, surprise she is the same livestock as yesterday...No worries gentlemen I share this despair and have decided to offer some critique as well as hopefully giving you that little ray of sunshine every noon hour or whack off session...... whack away Jim, whack away.
Here it goes Gentleman:
1 Star (Common Livestock):Tends to be vulnerable to being tipped over during any mental stimulus. She can also be tipped over for sport by friends as a right of passage and then you are therefore entitled to a bonus (usually some sort of alcoholic beverage, no IOU's accepted). Typical response vocabulary is limited to "moo?" err... "what??" This is your last resort, drinking can also effect decisions however their will be mass ridicule from friends in the morning. This being said you will not bring her with you in public at ANYTIME.
2 Star (Pack Mule): This is a girl that will always be there when heavy loads need to be carried and works well because she can usually be ordered around without much resistance. You can bring her out in public but you will more than likely tie her to a post outside while you conduct business and mock/ridicule her for sport. She will of course make odd sounds at inopportune moments but this is to be expected and should not be held against her.... it is not her fault.... she can't help it.
3 Star (Quarterhorse): This is a girl that unfortunately many guys end up with. She usually has the "girl next door look" and is overall acceptable to be seen with. Due to her "anyone can ride" status is also easily accessable, easy to maintain and should not be expected to exceed expectations (unless boarding fee's are comped ie cooks and cleans even though she doesn't live with you, generally volunteers to make you happy). With these fee's comped and upon completion of 3/4 vote she can ascend into low 4 star status.
4 Star (Mustang): This is a girl that you are proud to be seen with in public, generally cute and maintains respect of the public. Once broken in is loyal and should reveal a sophisticated mounting prowess, is experienced and should be considered for girlfriend material. Most likely a fast and fiesty girl who might frequently visit the local water hole due to her low self esteem (also most likely to succumb to the asshole factor).
5 Star (Arabian): Be all and end all.... exotic, luxurious and most likely to cause you to make an ass out of yourself. Extremely hard to tame but comes with good bone structure as well as a certificate of authenticity. A girl that you would step over your dying best friend just to have a good roll in the hay. Will gain you immeidiate respect and at times distain amongst friends and co-workers.
0 Star (The Glue/10 ft pole factor): Defined as a Demoted Mexican Pack Mule with no redeeming equity factor whatsoever (ie lack of personality and a complete bitch). These poor creatures are at the end and should just be put to better use for all mankind. Obnoxious, senile, huge, and has no clue on how to compose herself in public and is generally treated with distain by all.
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